Absolution
by Wonder and Ashes
Summary: Sometimes, wishing for a better world is all we can do – and sometimes it works. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Story Notes**: First posted on _Elysian Fields_ August 12th 2014 as a response to a challenge. Inspired by the end scene of _X-Men: Days of Future Past_.

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><p>Having faced so many Apocalypses in my lifetime, I always have the tendency to treat them more like mild inconveniences – a chore as mediocre as running down the store for groceries – despite the fact that they're very threatening and very scary. I never really found them that scary.<p>

Until my best friend decided to end the world.

Even though Anya and I are stood in a dark, deep hole, it doesn't take away the knowledge of what's going on above us; we still remember that Willow is making her way to Kingman's Bluff, determined to end the world.

Being in the hole doesn't make us forget seeing the bodies of Xander and Giles, lying motionless in the remains of the Magic Shop, their plan to stop Willow having failed.

It doesn't take away the memory of Dawn being turned into a ball of green energy.

I know this is it; the Apocalypse I wouldn't be able to stop. It was bound to come along someday. I've experienced so many in my short lifetime – stopping them all no matter what it took – and somewhere deep down inside me I knew it was only a matter of time before one succeeded.

I never would've guessed the final one would be caused by my once best friend.

I feel like giving up, and not because of the hopelessness of the situation. I know that even if I stopped it, what would there be left to live for? Only Anya remains, and while there's Angel and his group in LA, I know I can never really be around him. We can never be friends; Spike was right about that.

_Spike…_

I bite my lip to stop a tear from escaping down my face as I try to forget what he'd almost done…what I'd almost made him do…

The look on his face when he realized…

Anya's trying to get my attention. "Buffy, I think I have a way to stop this."

I want to tell her it doesn't matter. The Death Wish I've had since coming back to life is rearing its ugly head, but I don't think it's ugly. I think it's beautiful; a gift.

"What?" I ask anyway.

"No form of magic can stop Willow once she starts the ritual," Anya explains. "But she hasn't started it yet, so we still have a chance."

"To do what?" I ask. "I don't know magic, and you're not as powerful as Willow-"

"I _am_," she says. She then removes the necklace – the vengeance demon one, forcing me to remember what she became after her failed wedding – and places it over my head. "You just have to make a wish."

A wish. A vengeance wish. I shake my head. "No… I can't. It's…"

"Evil?" She shakes her head in return. "Only if a vengeance demon wants it to be. We take our own creative liberties when it comes to these wishes, and since most of us aren't exactly the…nicest demons around, most of the time the wishes turn out evil. But we're trying to save the world, and that's not evil."

I know she has a point, and I know that Anya has calmed down since returning to her demon status. She wants to help. But I'm still uncertain – again, because once Willow is stopped, what's left for us?

It's as if Anya can read my thoughts, for she says, "And we don't have to just save the world. If you word the wish right, I can bring everyone else back. Giles, Xander, Dawn, Tara, Spike…"

I screw my eyes shut. _Spike…_

"Buffy." Anya takes my hand. "You might not like this, but in order for this wish to work, it'll have to be about Spike."

"Why?" My eyes meet hers. I try not to cry.

"My area is women scorned," she explains. "The only reason this wish can work is because technically, you're a woman scorned, even if Spike never really meant it."

Never really meant it. Of course he didn't. His shocked expression – his realization of what he had almost done – still haunts me. How can a soulless demon be capable of that kind of emotion?

Once upon a time I would've refused to believe it. But I've grown since then. I know better.

"So as long as I include Spike somewhere in the wish, you can grant it?"

Anya nods. "And hurry. Willow will start the ritual soon."

I pause to think, but all that I can think about is how I'm to blame for everything that's happened between me and the vampire I once hated.

"It's my fault," I speak aloud. I know that if Anya hears my thoughts, she'll be able to help me with what wish I should make. "He did what he did because of me."

"Buffy, you really need to stop blaming yourself-"

"Spike was never capable of rape." There's that word – that one word I refuse to think about… "He had his standards. But I forced him to do it. I _used_ him; I gave him what he wanted because I was depressed. I knew it was wrong, but I always blamed him for what _I_ was doing. And he took it, every single time. I never did the right thing and ended it, so by the time that I did he couldn't let go."

"So you want to go back and have another chance with him?" asks Anya.

I think about it; I could return to when I'd first been brought back, and we can start over. But…even now, I still can't get over being yanked out of Heaven. And things weren't great then, either; there were other factors to take in. Giles being gone, my friends not caring about what they'd done, neglecting Dawn, Willow's growing power…

I shake my head. "No, because damage had already been done, even then. I could've let myself love Spike a long time ago, but I refused to believe that demons could love without their souls. Even when the proof was sitting right in front of me, I refused to believe it."

"And why's that?"

I already know the answer, and that answer hadn't given a damn about me, either. I saw him all those months ago, after I'd been brought back, and he hadn't been any better than my friends. "Angel. That's where it all started. He lost his soul and broke my heart, and when I got him back… Believing him to be two different people always made things easier. Then I would never have to face the fact that he doesn't truly love me – because if he did, then the soul wouldn't matter."

"He was your first love," says Anya. "And a first love is always a first reaction to love; you mistake it for true love, which only makes it hurt all the more when things don't work out."

A few years ago – hell even a few _months_ ago – I would've yelled at her for those words or just ignored her for being so blunt about it. But things have changed, and I know better. I've grown. "I didn't think when it came to Angel. It was blind love; I didn't want to see our future, or what he had done in the past. And that's what sent it all crashing down. And the worst part is, now that I look back on it, I feel _used_. Angel should have known better; he was older. But he let me do what I did because he wanted me."

"You said it." Anya smirks.

"Angel was my first love, only I mistook him for my _only_ love," I continue. "A soul mate. But soul mates are supposed to be much more than death, pain and separation. But that was all I knew, so I continued to believe that's what love was. Then there was Riley; I used him. He reminded me of Angel, and I used him. Had Angel come back to me with a way for us to be together, then I would've dumped Riley then and there, which would _never_ have been right."

"And how does this connect to Spike?"

Right. Spike. The wish is supposed to be about him. "Love is a part of Spike. He loved Drusilla for over a century. God, I should've seen that. But because of what Angel made me believe, I refused to see the truth. Spike loved, and…part of me resented that because Angel couldn't. If things had been different – if my heart had never been broken by Angel – then I would've allowed myself to be happy with Spike a long time ago. The only thing is? That never would've happened with Angel around."

Then it hits me.

Anya can tell and she smiles. "You got a wish?"

I nod. "What if I wished that Spike had come to Sunnydale instead of Angel?"

"That's possible," she says, and I can see the wheels turning in her head. "Like I said; I can take a lot of creative liberties with these wishes. How do you think that could happen, though? You know Spike better than I do."

"Um…" I think back to a few years before, and how he had come to Sunnydale in order to cure Drusilla… "He loved Dru, so… What if Drusilla died in Prague? She almost did this time around, and Spike spent well over a year trying to find a cure for her before he even _came_ to Sunnydale. And he was harmless enough when she dumped him – I mean, he _did_ kidnap Willow and Xander and threatened Wil with a broken bottle, but… They survived."

"Spike coming to Sunnydale after Drusilla's death. Yes, that could work." Anya nods. "As for Angel, he could be called upon to help the helpless in LA instead of being asked to look out for you."

I nod in agreement. I'd be lying if I say I haven't noticed that Angel seems more at peace with himself in LA, instead of the constant brooding he did in Sunnydale. I wonder how I even fell for a guy like that; the brooding thing really wasn't that attractive.

"Is that all you need?" I ask.

"I can make a few alterations here and there for everyone else," says Anya. "Might as well, while we're at it. Just say the words, and hurry; Willow's almost started."

She holds out her hands, and I don't hesitate to take them. It's now or never. "I wish Spike had come to Sunnydale instead of Angel."

Anya's face shifts, and instead of looking at the girl I've grown to care about, I find myself looking at the face of a demon. But it doesn't wig me out like it did many times before. The demon is part of her, just like Spike's demon is part of him.

I see the relief in her eyes as she speaks the word, "Done."

A sudden flash of light makes me shut my eyes instinctively.

And when I open them again, I'm lying in an unfamiliar bed.

Wherever I am, it's morning. The curtains are sealed shut, blocking out the sunlight, but I can still tell the time of day. I sit up to look around; the room is large, and somehow I can tell that it usually holds two occupants instead of just the one.

There's no one lying beside me. Whoever that side of the bed usually belongs to is already up and about. But where am I?

I steadily climb out of bed and walk slowly over to the window. Upon hesitantly pulling back the curtains, I behold a beautiful view of Sunnydale. It's still there, standing as if nothing happened – as if it hadn't been on the verge of being destroyed by an Apocalypse.

It worked.

Looking out at the view, it doesn't take me long to figure out that I'm in Angel's old mansion. But looking down at the grounds and the bits of the house I can see, I notice that it's been expanded and updated. I wonder why.

Curious as to what other changes have been made, I put on a dressing gown and leave the room I assume is mine. There're these strange tingles somewhere between my shoulder and my neck, but I ignore them for the moment.

I don't come across anyone until I reach the bottom of the large stairs.

There're children everywhere. All of them are either wearing backpacks or carrying books, suggesting the place has been turned into some kind of private school. A school for what, I don't know. I make my way over to the first room by the stairs and peak inside.

Willow and Tara are there. Willow looks like her usual self – no dark hair, no black eyes – and Tara's…alive. The class they're teaching mainly consists of girls but there are boys among them, too. From what I can see, the two witches are teaching magic. It would explain the blue ball of energy Tara's holding in her hand.

So we've turned the old mansion into Hogwarts?

I move away to look into another classroom, but as I do I almost bump into someone.

"Oh, sorry, Buffy." It's Amy. She's standing next to Oz, and they're holding hands. They're a couple?

Behind them I see a small group of children, and also a blonde girl who looks to be around my age. "Hey," I say. I know that I should've sounded more enthusiastic, but forgive me for waking up in a parallel dimension and not knowing what the hell is going on.

"We're taking the new wolves out," Oz explains. That makes sense. Oz learned how to control his wolf, so of course he would try and teach other werewolves, too. I even notice his cousin among the children.

With nods of goodbye, they continue down the hall and I make my way over to the next classroom.

I blink in surprise when I see Wesley at the front of the class. The last time I saw him had been in LA with Angel. There are mostly boys in the class he's teaching, but a few girls, as well. Looking at the old fashioned black board, I conclude that Wesley is educating the children on how to be Watchers.

I also notice a woman in the classroom, helping out one of the girls towards the back. She looks slightly younger than Wesley with dark hair, but what catches my attention is her very pregnant belly. A hidden smile in Wesley's direction is enough to conclude that the woman and Wesley are together.

Getting a good look at her face, I recall who it is from a distant memory. Ronna; a cousin of Jenny Calendar.

Jenny… I move away from the classroom and begin searching for any sign of the former gypsy. If this is truly the result of the wish, it means Angel never came to Sunnydale, which means…

It doesn't take me very long to find the woman.

She's sat down in what looks like some kind of wreck-room. Children are playing on arcade-style video games, some are talking about their day and a small group are practising magic towards the back. Jenny is sat on a couch, and I smile when I see Giles sat with her, too.

My smile widens at the sight of a little boy sat between them.

Not wanting to disturb the small family, I begin to move away before doing a double take into the wreck-room again. I look more closely at the small group performing magic at the back of the room, and realize that the small group is a trio – of Dawn, Andrew and Jonathon.

To my relief there's no Warren in sight. I'm OK with Dawn hanging out with the other two boys, because they're really not bad guys; it had just been Warren's influence on them that made them enemies.

I turn away again and continue my slow walk through the mansion.

I look into another classroom and discover that it's larger than the others, and not really a classroom. It's a training room. All the classmates in there are teenagers, around the same age as Dawn, and all female. Potential Slayers, I reason successfully. What helps with this reasoning is Faith at the front of the class, teaching them.

So I died at least once here, I conclude. It had been foretold that I would die at the hands of the Master; an alternate reality wouldn't change that.

Another familiar face brings me from my thoughts.

Angel.

I hadn't noticed him at first because his back had been to me; he had been fetching an axe out of the weapon's chest, which he hands to Faith. As he does, their hands brush and they share a small smile, which the girls in the class notice. There's a chorus of giggles, which cause both the vampire and Slayer at the front to blush before hurrying on with the class.

I feel nothing.

No jealousy, no anger, no pain; nothing.

I know why. I didn't feel anything for him when I saw him again after my resurrection, so why would I now? He's obviously happy with Faith – I hope that he's found a way to secure his soul – and she is with him. I made the wish because I know Angel and I can't work together.

I turn away from the classroom – and freeze.

It's only a few short seconds. They pass so quickly that I don't have time to react. If they'd been going slower, I would have burst into tears and brought the one passing closest to me into the tightest hug I could possibly give her.

But then again, she would want to know what's wrong, so I guess it's a good thing Mom walked by as quickly as she did with Brian at her side. They both send me their own little smiles, though.

Swallowing the lump that was trying to form in my throat, I continue on. In the next hallway I see four more people, and only one face is one I recognize. Cordelia. She's happily talking with a bald African-American guy, who's holding hands with a short, shy brunette. Gunn and Fred, I guess. Angel told me about them.

And the guy holding hands with Cordelia is… I blink.

Having a closer look at him, I realize that I _do_ know him, but it's been so long since he died…

"Jesse?"

All four of them turn to me. "Hey, Buffy," says the dark haired boy – Jesse. "You alright?"

I quickly nod. "Yeah. Just saying hi." Then, after a second thought, I ask, "Do you guys know where Anya is?" I wonder if she still remembers the old reality like I do – and if she does, I hope she'll be able to fill in a few blanks for me.

"She and Xander passed by a few minutes ago." Cordelia points down the hall.

I nod my thanks and follow where she'd pointed. It doesn't take me long to track down the couple.

I smile when I turn the corner and see them. They're up against the wall, kissing passionately. I notice the wedding rings on their fingers. At least things worked out well for them this time. Of course, Anya would've wanted to give herself a happy ever after, but she deserves it, and so does Xander.

I clear my throat, and they quickly pulled apart. "Hey, Buffy!" Anya greets me cheerfully. "How're you feeling?"

I can see it in her eyes; she _does_ remember, as I do. "Fine."

"Did you _have_ to interrupt us?" asks Xander, and I almost laugh at his pout. "I don't interrupt _you_ whenever you're smacking lips with-"

"Honey, I need to talk to Buffy. About…girl stuff," Anya quickly interrupts. "See you later, OK?"

Xander looks annoyed, but he relents and walks away, leaving Anya and I alone.

Anya sends me a smirk. "So…?"

"You made everyone happy," I say. "It's impressive."

"Creative liberties, like I said," says Anya. "I would ask if you had any questions, but you don't need to ask any. You'll have your memories soon enough."

I blink. "Soon enough?"

"In about twenty-four hours," Anya explains. "That's how these kind of wishes work; there's a time limit on your memories of the previous reality, and once that limit's up, you'll lose those memories and gain the ones from here. I put a twenty-four hour time limit on this one."

I think about losing the memories of who I once was. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad; I've obviously lived a happy life here, and I want to remember that. "The same with you?"

Anya nods. "And you don't have to worry about that necklace getting smashed and the wish getting undone." She points at the necklace I didn't realize I'm still wearing. "I'm no longer a vengeance demon in this reality, so it's pretty much useless."

Relief washes through me. If the necklace had been smashed even accidentally… I shudder at the thought of losing this new happiness. "So why twenty-four hours?"

She shrugs. "I thought you'd want to spend some time having delightful 'thank-the-heavens-you're-alive' orgasms with your mate."

"My…mate?" Xander already mentioned that I 'smacked lips' with someone…

"Do I even _have_ to tell you who it is?" Anya rolls her eyes. "Just follow those tinglies of yours and you'll find him." And with that she walks away, to find Xander most likely.

Having been reminded of them, I turn my attention to the tingling sensations. They'd still been there throughout my walk through the mansion, but I'd ignored them; I'd been a bit more absorbed by the new reality I'd wished for.

Focussing on where exactly the tingles are, I realize that they're in the spot where I had been bitten multiple times; the Master, Angel, Dracula…

I see a mirror in the hallway and walk over to it. There, where I'd been bitten three times before, is a vampire bite. But it's not red and ugly-looking like the last ones had been. This one looks…soft. Like the vampire who'd done it had bitten me tenderly in an act of love-making.

Act of love. I step back in realization. The bite was a vampire Claim.

I read up on Claims during my relationship with Angel. I loved him back then, but the idea of being bound to a vampire for eternity had wigged me out majorly. So I ignored it and hoped that Angel would never bring it up.

Seeing the bite on me… I know then who my mate is, and nothing could've made me happier.

I hurry down the hall, following where the bite's telling me to go. I find him in the kitchen, making me breakfast. I can tell it's for me by the pancakes; my favourite.

Spike's stood there shirtless, and he's humming to himself. I briefly panic when I see the sunlight on him, but then I see the Gem of Amara on his finger and sigh with relief. He stops humming and looks up, obviously having sensed me.

He turns and smiles. "Mornin', pet. Sleep well?"

Seeing him standing there – no bruises, no pain in his eyes – and looking at me as if I'm an angel sent to him from Heaven… I quickly cross the room and wrap him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Spike…" I begin to place kisses all over him. Only now do I realize just how much I love him…how badly I treated him… Hours ago I thought I'd never see him again. But he's here in front of me, knowing that I love him, and I couldn't have been more grateful. "Oh God… Oh God…"

"Kitten, please… Oh baby…" I feel him place a kiss atop of my head. "It's fine, I'm here. I'm not goin' anywhere." He pulls me back so he can look at me, but still keeps me close. He then brings his thumb up to wipe away my tears. "None of that now. You mind tellin' me wha' brought this on?"

I know I can't tell him the truth and expose him to what our lives had been like only hours ago. He's suffered enough; I want him to stay in the bliss of not knowing. I'll soon be joining him there, and then what happened in that other reality wouldn't matter.

"A nightmare," I tell him. I try to keep it as close to the truth as possible, hoping the Claim won't pick up on my lie. "You…you were gone. And it was my fault, because I hurt you."

"Could never hurt me, baby."

"Not like that; not physically," I say. "Well, yeah, I did that too, but that wasn't what hurt you."

I can see in his eyes that he understands. "But you didn't. It was only a nightmare."

Only a nightmare. And that's what it feels like; a nightmare. A long, horrendous nightmare which only got worse and worse. I wonder if it really _had_ been a nightmare, and this new reality had been my life all along.

But then I wouldn't have had that talk with Anya. And on top of that, I'd be able to remember everything; the first time I met Spike, the first time I realized I was falling for him, when I told him I loved him, when he told me he loved me too, the first time we kissed, the first time we made love…

Spike must have noticed me drifting to a bad place, because he kisses me. And I feel like I'm soaring.

I can't get enough – because it's something I thought I'd never get to experience again.

Recalling what Anya told me about the time limit, I break away and whisper in his ear, "Come back to bed with me. Let me make love to you. Please."

He smirks, and I smirk back. This time, _I'll_ be the one giving him what he deserves. And while I want the twenty-four hours to be up so I can live my life in bliss, I also want them to go slowly – so I can show Spike that I love him, too.


End file.
